Recovered Documents from the Docutizers Archive

Selected Culinary Feedback Forms from Across the Realm

The following feedback forms were recovered from a filing cabinet marked “Kitchen Complaints – Active Threats.” Questline Headquarters reminds all personnel that dissatisfaction with a meal should be expressed through approved documentation procedures and not through ritual combat, magical retaliation, or public poetry.

Despite these policies, incidents continue.

DONIVAR

Dear Cook,

I want to start by saying I appreciate the effort.

That said, I have several concerns.

First, I believe the stew attempted to bite me.

Second, if the potatoes were intended to be crunchy, then congratulations. If not, I would recommend more boiling.

Third, Roland says the meat was fine, but Roland also thinks “fine” is a compliment, so I don’t trust his judgment.

Overall score: Better than the spoon-knife incident.

—Donivar

Cook’s Response:
I don’t know what that means.

ROLAND

To the Kitchen Staff,

I have attached a twelve-page report detailing my concerns.

Highlights include:

soup temperature variance

uneven bread distribution

seasoning inconsistencies

and the philosophical implications of describing gravy as “mostly stable”

Please see Appendix C for supporting charts.

—Roland

Docutizer Note:
No one read Appendix C.

SAL

Food tasted bad.

Ate it anyway.

Have work to do.

—Sal

Kitchen Response:
Fair.

GLECK

I would like to know why the potatoes were glowing.

More importantly, I would like to know why they stopped glowing when I entered the room.

I have concerns.

—Gleck

Investigation Status:
Ongoing.

ORC SUBMISSION

The meal lacked sufficient aggression.

Meat acceptable.

Spice level cowardly.

Bread showed promise but failed to commit.

—Rathbor

Additional Comment:
Requested hot sauce strong enough to be classified as a weapon.

TROLL SUBMISSION

Soup bowl was beautiful.

Soup acceptable.

Bowl exceptional.

Compliments to potter.

—Hurmog

Kitchen Margin Note:
He rated the bowl for six paragraphs and the food in one sentence.

YETI TRADE CONSORTIUM

The tea arrived four degrees below ideal temperature.

The napkin texture demonstrated alarming optimism.

The biscuits were served at an angle that implied haste.

We trust this matter will be corrected before future negotiations.

Respectfully,
Assistant Under-Representative Velk

Office Note:
Cook resigned immediately afterward.

GOBLIN FACTORY NOTICE

Food bad.

Ate two.

—Goblin Unit 47

Supervisor Response:
Efficient attitude.

GNOME SUBMISSION

The stew was bland.

To solve this issue, I added:

pepper

garlic

fermented mushrooms

experimental transference catalyst

and a small amount of lamp oil

The resulting explosion significantly improved flavor.

—Head of Alchemical Creativity

Administrative Ruling:
The improvement remains under review.

MADAM IGNATIA

I warned this kitchen three months ago that placing cinnamon in every dish would eventually produce consequences.

No one listened.

Today I discovered cinnamon in the fish.

Let this complaint stand as a monument to institutional arrogance.

—Madam Ignatia

Docutizer Cross-Reference:
She had, in fact, warned them.

SIR BAGSTEED

Food weak.

Needed more protein.

Recruits weaker.

Correlation obvious.

—Bagsteed

Official Response:
Cook challenged Bagsteed to arm wrestling and lost.